Top 5 WORST Ways To Wear High Heels
If you don't know already, I love me some heels! I love them so much I've studied them. I've studied them so much (both school smarts and street smarts), I've developed a snooty demeanor in 'heel etiquette.' Is this the right place to say "sorry, not sorry" ...??
Through my life of shoes I have paid extreme detail to heels, their construction, and how they're worn. So here I present you the Top 5 Absolute WORST ways you could wear your heels!
#5 - "The Toe Hangover"
Shoes with one thin strap at the toe are guilty for being the culprit to "The Toe Hangover." Better yet, any heel that shows more than 3 toes is guilty! Especially for you super narrow-footed gals. You will ALWAYS slide into this type of shoe, and will ALWAYS get the toe hangover/shrimp cocktail/crow's feet/whatever you'd like to call it!
What's the point of wearing shoes if your feet aren't actually in them? It reminds me of an evil Disney villain, curling her fingers and gazing with evil eyes saying "I'll get you my pretty!" This shoe sure will. Practically scraping toes on the sidewalk, eesh.
#4 - "The Gap Pap"
Similiar to The Toe Hangover, when your toes slide through the shoe, whether it be because there is no support at the front strap or that your feet are sweaty, that means that the entire functionality of the shoe is gone, hence "The Gap Pap." I call it The Gap Pap because it's just as uncomfortable as going for your yearly pap-smear at the gyno's office.
Ladies, I don't care how cute the shoes are, if your foot is not super tight in the shoe when you are first trying it on, do not buy! They will stretch and you will slide in a bit through the day/night. I promise you there isn't anything you can add to it to make it be comfortable all night long, either. Plus, it's not sexy walking down the street looking all fidgety trying to catch the pump falling off your foot with each step you take!
#3 - "The Puff Pastry"
Wether it's a hot Summer, you're pregnant, or it's that time of month, being bloated has to be one of the worst parts that comes with being a female. Ain't no shame, we all go through it. But please, don't wear strappy sandals, your foot is not a puff pastry.
(You can wear sneakers or heeled boots instead!)
#2 - "The Heel Creep"
There is nothing worse than not being able to walk in your shoes. If your thighs, calves, and ass aren't ready to conquer the height, please do not try to wear out! If you can't even bend your knees when standing in them, even worse. Everyone will be looking at you I assure you. Not in a good way.
<-- DIY: If this unfortunate fail has ever happened to you, take those shoes and frame them on the wall as art. You're welcome.
#1 - "The Struggle Toe"
Ever seen one of those mafia movies where the gangster threatens to cut off your toe or finger if you don't divulge the info they need? And then you cringe at the thought of it, right? Right. That's how I feel about "The Struggle Toe."
It's like having all your friends hanging out on your yacht, but forcing one friend to watch the party from the floater attached to the Yacht.
It's like putting one boob in your bra, and not the other.
It's like getting a manicure for only 8 fingers instead of 10.
Hey, bully. Have some compassion for your baby toes, poor things :(
Yeesh. What I don't understand is how anyone can even bare walk like this? The pain has to be massive.
Yuck, that was no fun trying to find all those photos! Haha! The photos I found in between all these made me lose my appetite, lol. Plus, a lot of the feet I saw were not pedicured. So that will definitely have to go on my next list...
So, this little heel rant is at an end... For now. Any other heel peeves you would add to this list? Let me know in the comments below.